your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
