mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
