For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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