I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
