My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
