I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
3pm strippers are depressing
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize