It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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