Kareoke will never be a sober sport
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
