i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
