I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
