I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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