I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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