i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
