Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
