You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
