Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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