I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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