So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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