I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
