I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize