First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
