Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
