did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
