I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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