My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
