dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
