nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
