Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
