i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize