Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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