when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
