i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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