That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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