Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
