how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize