I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
