Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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