it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
