stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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