I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
