How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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