He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
