After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
God, I missed his penis.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
