omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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