Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I smell stomach acid.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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