hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
