sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
