I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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