We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
