You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
