we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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