I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
