hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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