similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
