She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
