3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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