I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
