i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
