ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am mentally ready for anal.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
