Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
