Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
