I wannas sexs uuuuu
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
