mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
