Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
