He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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