y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
