Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
