Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
