no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
