Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
