i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You are the jesus of drinking
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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