Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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