I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize