Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
