Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
