Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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