I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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