Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
