i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize