I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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