so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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