i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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