Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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