Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
