its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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