what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
