I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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