Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
well you can't waste a boner
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
