Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
