He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
