thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize