"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
