Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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