Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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