Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She's the barista slut.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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