In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
