the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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