google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
