I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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