so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
