I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
farters have to be the big spoon...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
