do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
