If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
