They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
