I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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