Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
