rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
