i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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