and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
