Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
