I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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