i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
