Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize