I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
